


We're All One Step from Grace

by Young_Professer



Series: Freedom is Ours [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, F/M, Master & Padawan Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 15:48:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 6,692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26680114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Young_Professer/pseuds/Young_Professer
Summary: The Separatists have surrendered, the Clone Wars is over. How and why doesn't matter. What does matter is that the Jedi are coming home and the clones have an opportunity for a new life.Part 2 of the "Freedom is Ours" series.
Relationships: Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus, Depa Billaba & Kanan Jarrus & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba & Mace Windu, Depa Billaba/CC-10/994 | Grey
Series: Freedom is Ours [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1899448
Comments: 9
Kudos: 43





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Title From the Rag'n'Bone Man song "Grace" https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SCnsEy0tpbw

The Separatists have surrendered. The war is over, but only a fraction of the weight on Mace Windu's shoulders has been lifted. The knowledge of how much left there is to be done: the counting of the final death tolls, the arranging of a mass memorial, the securing of legal citizenship and full rights for the clones… these things and so many more smaller ones weigh him down as he sits to meditate. But this is not the time to dwell on these things. Now he must clear his mind and center himself in the here and now. The remaining Jedi are returning to the temple all day and night, and while there is joy in that fact, there is also a stark emptiness all can feel of the ones who didn't return. 

Mace breathes in, breathes out, and sinks into meditation.

The force is brilliant, pouring with light as the Jedi continue to return. He can feel them as they arrive, blazing points of power and emotion that stand out from the trillions of other lives on and around Corscaunt. During the war he wouldn't have been able to see his brothers, sisters, and siblings of the order through the force, even after they entered the atmosphere.

All this he can feel now that the dark haze of war is dissipating, and he drifts like that for a while, just watching the presences appear. Then he feels one so familiar that he reaches out to it without thinking, lightly brushing Depa's mind with his own. 

She reaches back for a fraction of a second, and he gets a sense of her looking through the viewscreen down at the planet, one hand on Caleb's shoulder and the other clasped in her Commander's, (Grey is his name, and by what he feels of Depa's thoughts and she is full of love for him and Caleb both).

But the implications of that revelation never really fully form in his mind because he draws back from her and the force and eases himself out of meditation. It will only be a few minutes before she and Caleb make it planetside. As soon as Mace is fully back in himself he opens his eyes, pulls on his robe and boots, and makes his way from his apartment to go meet them

  
  
  
\-------  
  
  
  
  


The hangar is loud and bright, and the force is thick with emotions as Jedi and clones alike reunite. Several weep openly, holding a friend or brother tightly. Mace feels Depa's mind in the thick of the mass and it becomes a lifeline, his legs moving towards her and he knows she's stepping to find him because they're drawn to each other like moons in orbit. 

He weaves through armored and robed bodies, barely seeing them because his eyes catch on a glint of gold that sparkle in contrast to dark hair and eyes that meet his. In a flurry of motion and tunics that feels like hours and seconds all at once as he stretches his hands out and sees his Padawan doing the same and then she's in his arms. 

They hold each other for a long moment, and the raw feelings that swell up in Mace's chest combined with the emotions that bombard him from all sides is enough to make tears well up in this throat. he knows without looking that there are tears on Depa's face, and he knows he should let go but he can't quite bring himself to just yet. Another few seconds go by until Mace summons the willpower to push her away just a bit so they can see each other's faces. She backs away easily, wipes her eyes and then grabs his hand. 

"We survived." She murmurs, her voice joyful and unbelieving at the same time. Mace looks around at all the bodies in the hangar, sees the smiles and tears and thinks of all of those that didn't survive. 

Depa squeezes his hand hard, and he looks back at her and remembers the horrible months when she was in the coma, hovering between life and death. She's still here, and that alone is enough to make him release a long breath that he's been holding for almost four years now. He can't come up with the words to express how he's feeling, the regret, sorrow, and so much relief so instead he reaches to touch Depa's mind with his. She lets him in, wraps him into an embrace with the force that is far deeper than any physical expression could be. And even though out of all the people he knows she's perhaps lost the most during the war, her thoughts are filled with euphoria and almost worshipful awe as she revels at the light around them. 

"Grandmaster!" A swirl of joyful energy almost runs into both of them, and Depa releases Mace's hand as Caleb skids to a stop in front of them and gestures wildly around the hanger. 

"We won!" He yells. "We won, grandmaster!"

_ Did we? _ Mace thinks.  _ Did anyone? _ But looking at the hopeful face of his grandpadawan he knows he can't say that, so instead he drops his hand to rest on the boy's head and tries to curl his lips into a smile. It's easier than it expected, looking into those shining blue eyes, and Caleb seems to vibrate with happiness at the gesture, looking from him to his master. 

"Master, can I go see if Sammo and Cal and Tae have arrived yet?"

Depa smiles, quick and bright. "Go ahead."

The boys seems to become impossibly more excited and does one of the quickest bows Mace has ever seen before racing off. Mace watches him go, makes sure he makes it safely to the door without getting run over or running anyone over before he turns back to Depa. She's looking in the other direction, and Mace follows her gaze to a man in red accented armor who has an arm around the two brothers closest to him. The man turns his head a bit, and Mace recognizes the long, slanting scar across his face. It's Grey, her Commander. He remembers now the edge of the feeling he caught from Depa earlier, looks back at her face, and it's easy to make the connection.

He leans just a bit to the side so the fabric of his sleeve nudges hers. "You have feelings for your Commander." He says, and his former Padawan looks at him sharply. She says nothing, just inclines her head a bit in affirmation and the look in her eyes dares him to make a negative comment. 

He doesn't, because who Depa does and doesn't like is none of his business. But still he resolves to have at least one conversation with Grey, just to get a feel for who he is as a person. 

Instead he raises an eyebrow at her so she knows he's teasing and repeats the words she just told her own padawan. "Go ahead." 

She tilts her head and purses her lips, trying to look annoyed even though her eyes sparkle. "You know, I think I will." 

She doesn't move just yet though. Instead she rests her head on his upper arm for a moment. Mace leans back into the pressure, a silent statement of relief and affection for them both. Then she leaves, and there's a hubbub at the other end of the hangar that's accompanied by a force presence that shines like sun-stuck bronze and he turns to go welcome another old friend. 

With Plo's arrival, Shaak is the only member of the council who isn't at the temple. But he knows that she's safe on Kamino and for the first time in four years Mace feels a tiniest sense of normalcy return. His family is coming back together. The Jedi are coming home. 

  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Chapter 2

There's a ceremony set up, one massive gathering to mourn together. There's a giant pyre set up in the great hall, it will burn through the night, then a part of the fire will be taken and placed into a permanent memorial for all the Jedi lost in the clone wars. 

But this ceremony is not just for the Jedi. The clones gather as well, wearing full armor and standing in perfect formation on the left side of the gethered Jedi. There are so many of them they easily outnumber the Jedi, but they mourn as one. 

Mace stands close to the fire, the heat making his skin prickle despite the temperature regulation of his robes. Every Jedi has a candle in which they have inscribed in the wax a name, or in some cases many names of the friends, siblings, masters, or apprentices that they have lost. 

Mace's own candle has one name. Ponds. He had considered others: Adi Gallia or Yan Dooku, but had decided on just the one. Both Adi and Yan he has been able to work through the grief and able to let go of. But Ponds… 

It's difficult. He's still working on it. 

Yoda steps to the front of the pyre, signalling the beginning of the ceremony. He presses the wick of his candle to the hot coals nearest him until it lights, then cradles it in his hands. Although only the Jedi lined up directly in front can see him, Mace knows that all can feel what the grandmaster has done by the way they all become still, waiting. 

"Death." Yoda says, words ringing so loud through the force Mace feels them in his very bones. "Yet the Force."

"Yet the force." The Jedi echo, the rumble of their voices like thunder echoing through the hall. As one they sink into a meditative position. Some kneel on the stone floor, others sit cross-legged, and as soon as they all are settled candles begin to light. Mace breathes in, centring himself, and focuses the force, coaxing the energy around the wick of his candle to grow until a flame rises. 

There is silence. The overhead lights dim, but the hall is illuminated by hundreds of small lights that burn, illuminating even as the fire consumes the wick and melts the wax. Soon the names inscribed will disappear, taken up by the energy of the flame. Just as all of the beings they mourn, the candles are liberated from their physical form and disappear into the endless cycle of energy around them. 

Death, yet the Force.

The silence is broken by a stamped boot and the faint cry of "Aay'han!"

Aay'han- _ A moment of mourning and joy, remembrance and celebration. _

In rhythm, all the clones stamp their right foot twice then clap a fist to the right side of their chests, over their herd, their armor clacking. 

Stamp, stamp, clasp.

"Aay'han!" They shout. "Aay'han!" 

"Ret'urcye mhi!" Comes the call. 

_ Maybe we'll meet again. _

Stamp, stamp, clasp.

"Ret'urcye mhi! Ret'urcye mhi!"

With every shouted syllable the Jedi's candles flicker in reaction, the rhythm of the chant working its way into the pulse of the force.

"Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la!"

_ Not gone, merely marching far away. _

Stamp, stamp, clasp.

"Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la! Nu kyr'adyc, shi taab'echaaj'la!"

"Aay'han!"

The chant repeats for what seems like hours until the clones voices are hoarse, the Jedi's candles are burning low, and Mace's cheeks are damp with tears. 

_ Ahayan. _ He thinks.  _ Death, yet the force. _

  
  



	3. Chapter 3

_ It's unfair. _ Depa thinks to herself melodramatically, waiting for Master Koon to finish monologuing to the rest of the council about how precious his men are.  _ That the war is over and I'm somehow even busier.  _

It's not something she'll ever complain about, though, she'd gladly do twice the amount of work than to go to war ever again. Besides, she's spared the brunt of the task load because of Caleb. She's well aware that Mace and Shaak have gone several nights without sleep in the past two months. It's a harrowing process, arguing with both the Kaminoains and the Senate to get the clones citizen status. Add to that the investigation into the advanced aging and other genetic modifications and… it's been a stressful time. 

They've made some leeway in the Senate, especially since many of the politicians have been protected by the clones at one time or another during the war. But the kaminoans have refused to cooperate, at one point even going so far as to completely lock down their facilities. 

Mace and Shaak hand handled that situation, and it was safe to say that there would be no more drastic action on Kamino. 

Plo has gone from raving about his men to ranting about the injustices of the Kaminoans, and even though she's heard this particular tangent many times before it still makes Depa's blood boil. 

They try not to mention it during council sessions, because the subject always makes the tension in the room skyrocket as they all try to keep their emotions in check. Today is no different, and Depa feels the tightly-leashed roiling in the force around them, instinctively making her feel like she's about to enter a battle.

Mace suddenly makes a strained, almost strangled sound that is somewhere between a grunt and a gasp. The noise sends fear spiking through Depa's heart because it's sharp and sudden and sounds too close to the particular sound of death that she's heard thousands of times. 

She looks over to see that Mace is sitting straight up in his seat with his hands clenched into fists on the arms. He's tense, not moving. Then he collapses forward. 

Depa doesn't exactly register getting out of her seat and beside him on the floor but the next instant she's rolling him over, fingers pressing at his jugular. 

"No pulse." She hisses at Yoda. The grandmaster's ears fall lower, his eyes closed as he spreads his fingers across Mace's forehead. Shaak drops to the floor next to him and presses her hand to Mace's chest. 

The council chamber goes deathly quiet, and although some part of Depa is aware of the other nine masters gathered around them all she can focus on is the feel of Mace's clammy skin beneath her fingers.

Twenty seconds pass (she counts each one) before she feels a faint throb. But even before the relief can come there is a terrible  _ stretch _ in her bond with Mace, and both Shaak and Yoda bow their heads in concentration.

Depa forces herself to breathe, to breathe even as part of her cries out because her Master is dying right now and she can do nothing but feel it happen. 

There's a rustle of fabric beside her, then talons grip her shoulder and the sound of Plo's breather fills her ears as he kneels. She lets her fingers slide off of Mace's neck and instead wraps one of his limp hands in both of hers, pressing it between them like the pressure alone could keep him alive. 

A Chalactan prayer leaves her lips in a whisper.  _ Universe, let peace find its place here. Universe, let us live to see it. _

They wait for the healers to come.

  
  


\----------

  
  
  


"Master?" Caleb comes skidding from around the corner into the waiting room of the halls, and Depa stands and steps forwards to greet him. "Master, why-" 

He stops, both verbally and physically, and looks around the room to take in the who of council members are there and draws the painfully obvious conclusion in a matter of seconds.

"Is Master Mace alright?" He whispers, abrupt and icy fear flashing over his young face. 

"We're not sure yet." Depa puts a hand on his shoulder to comfort him, ever grateful for the presence of her colleagues and friends to keep her grounded. "All will turn out as the force wills."

Caleb nods, swallowing hard, and she guides him to sit down next to her, Yoda on his other side. Her Padawan doesn't seem to notice the headmaster's proximity, his eyes trained on her face. She keeps her face calm because he is, however subconsciously, drawing cues from her on how to respond to the situation. 

"What happened?" He asks, eyes wide. She tilts her head slightly, sending currents of peace and serenity to him through their bond. 

"Master Mace went into sudden cardiac arrest during the council session." She tells him, not allowing the way her master fell out of his chair, limp and lifeless, to replay in her mind. "He's in surgery now, will be for another half an hour at least."

Caleb looks no less nervous, but he is more steady now that he knows the facts. 

"Heed your Master's words you should, Padawan." Yoda says, and Caleb startles, turning to face the Grandmaster's solemn eyes. ""All will turn out as the force wills.""

"Yes, Master Yoda." Caleb bows his head, his fingers sliding across the bench to seek out her hand. Depa lets him find it and wraps her fingers around his palm, squeezing firmly before letting go. Her Padawan is nervous, unsure of what to do or think. She however…

She is not afraid. She does feel dread at the thought of Mace passing, it would be wrong if she didn't, but she's long since made peace with the fact that either of them could die at any time. 

Of course, it's far different to experience than to speculate. There's a tightness in her chest that she can quite unravel and an unsteadiness to her emotions that makes her glad that her colleagues surround her with steady support. But she's ready to begin the process of accepting Mace's death, if that is the Force's will. 

Not that she has a choice.

  
  
  



	4. Chapter 4

Mace Windu thinks he's awake. He's not entirely sure. He's not sure where or when he is either. 

What he does know is that there is a small star by his side, white-hot in a way that illuminates but does not burn. Just next to it is a glow, not as powerful as the star but it's core is still intensely bright.

His body, the part of himself that is outside of where he floats right now, feels strangely disconnected. He can't move it. He is weightless, like paper, everywhere except for his face, which is far too heavy to move.

There's a sound from outside, something he can hear thinly as if from a speaker far away. 

_ Master, can you hear us? _

No, he can't.

_ It is likely he can, but more rest does he need.  _

Both of the lights reach out to him, touching him and then surrounding him in a feeling that's warm and safe. Mace finds himself relaxing back into it, the odd physical sensations fading away as he sinks farther and farther into the light until it turns into peaceful darkness that folds over him and takes him away. 

  
  


\--------

  
  


Mace is in and out of consciousness for a day after he comes out of surgery, and during that time Depa never leaves his side. Caleb drifts in and out throughout the day and the council and other masters Mace knows come visit at least once. But most of the time it's just her sitting with him, working quietly or talking with Grey over holo.

It's not a vigil, per se- because he's out of danger and she knows that he will wake up soon, But still, she wants to keep him company as he rests. Besides, it's comforting to be near him after the sudden shock of his collapse and near-death.

She wonders how Mace had managed the emotional toll when she was in the coma. She couldn't fathom what she would have done if there was still a war going on, much less if she didn't know for certain if he would live or die. And if instead of her former Master if it had been her Padawan…

The thought alone makes her heart squeeze painfully. Mace is strong, she knows that like she knows her own name, but his fortitude reaches beyond what she thinks she could handle. She is blessed to have him as her master and endlessly thankful that he is still alive.

As if on cue Mace stirs, head shifting slightly to the left. Depa sets the datapad on her lap aside and stands, taking a few steps to stand right beside him. His head moves again, and a muffled groan comes from his lips. 

"Mace." Depa says quietly, hoping that this time he will actually be coherent. 

She waits, and after a long moment his eyelids crack open and he squints in her direction, eyes heavy with sleep. It seems that he's fully conscious; and she feels a smile spread across her face.. 

"Can you hear me this time, Master?" She asks, gently brushing against his mind in the force. The impression of his thoughts are slow and groggy, something along the lines of  _ Let me sleep.  _ and  _ Why are you smiling? _

"Hmmm?" Depa places her hand into his arm, letting it rest lightly. "I'm glad you could join us in the land of the living."

Mace glares with far too much annoyance for someone who has done nothing but sleep for two days and opens his mouth. 

"Glib." He croaks. 

She stifles a chuckle, knowing that it would just serve to irritate him further. "I'm afraid it's completely genuine, my dear master. You gave many people quite the scare."

His glare doesn't subside, but his eyes shift from her face to look around the room, taking in where he is. It is early evening, and the bright light through the window illuminates the white walls with an almost heavenly ambience. It's bright yet peaceful, the perfect serene atmosphere for a slow and gentle recovery. 

_ Unfortunately _ , Depa thinks,  _ Mace Windu rarely does things slowly and gently _ . And, true to his character, Mace starts to move his arms to brace his weight on his elbows, about to try and sit up. She pushes him down before he can get his back to leave the bed. 

"Take it easy." She commands, using the same voice that she does with Caleb when he gets distracted. "I'm under strict instructions to keep you still until a healer can come and check you over."

Her Master looks indignant and clears his throat, voice still raspy. "How many days has it been?"

"Two." 

He looks around for a second time, much more slowly than before. His gaze lingers on the couch where she had made her temporary residence, then meets her eyes. 

"You stayed the whole time?"

The slight disbelief in his voice is almost heartbreaking, but Depa knows that it is caused by the lingering drowsiness so she doesn't dwell on it. 

"I did." She answers simply, then smirks. "Although you were boring company."

Mace may not be in the best of moods, but he is relaxed enough that he half-rolls his eyes at her humor. He is spared any more jokes by the arrival of an apprentice healer, and Depa steps back so he can be fully evaluated. In the meantime, she reaches into her bond with Caleb. Her padawan's mind is buzzing with activity, but he feels her mental touch almost immediately and turns his full attention to the bond. She catches a flash of the activity he's doing, (something with robotics and at least five different tea containers,) and sends a tinge of warning that when she gets back there should not be a mess in the kitchen before pushing the image of what is in front of her across the bond. 

Caleb freezes for a moment, confused, then concentrates intensely. She knows the exact moment when he understands because there's a flood of excitement that washes over to her.

_ Be calm. _ She warns him, the thought becoming an impression that she sends across the bond.  _ He's only just woken.  _

Depa receives a hurried affirmative from her padawan before he pulls out of the bond, and she gets a glimpse of him tripping on his own feet in his haste to move before she comes back to where she is as well. Providing that he didn't damage himself in his fall, he'll be here in a matter of minutes. She can only hope that he doesn't run down the halls and get in trouble with the healers. Again. 

Bless the boy, he's so eager in everything he does. This time, Depa can't blame him for being excited, the small part of her that will always be Mace's Padawan is practically jumping for joy. Hearing the way Mace solemnly answers the Healer's questions she can tell that that sort of energy would not be appreciated. Not from her, at any rate, but the soft spot that Mace has for Caleb is a phenomenon that seems to have no limit. Another reason that she's grateful down to her bones that Mace survived, so that he can continue to be a part of Caleb's life. 

Hers as well, but mostly Caleb's. Between her apprenticeship and their friendship Depa can safely say that she's had the opportunity to know Mace Windu very well. That being said, she'll gladly take as many more years together as the force wills.

  
  
  



	5. Chapter 5

To Caleb's credit, he arrives at Mace's room walking and talking at a reasonable speed and volume. The moment Mace sees him he softens, and the slight scowl on his face smoothes out. 

"Caleb." He says in greeting, voice not quite as weak now that he's fully woken and had some water. 

"Hi, grandmaster." Caleb paces over to stand by his side opposite of Depa. "How are you feeling?"

"I'm alright." Mace answers honestly. To prove it, he reaches out in the force and presses his presence against Caleb's awareness, letting the boy feel how he is in no pain. 

"That's good." There's a raw edge to the padawans voice. That, along with the worry dissipates into the force, is the only indication of how affected he had been. Out of the corner of his eye Mace can see the small smile on Depa's face, proud of how well her Padawan had processed his emotions. He glances at her for a moment to say  _ You taught him well.  _

She dips her head at Caleb in acknowledgement.  _ It is his doing, I am just the teacher. _

She says that, but the pride she feels for him is much deeper than an instructor's to their student. Mace can't blame her, he loves Caleb just as much. 

Speaking of Caleb, the boy is looking closely at the monitors above Mace's bed, a question clearly forming. 

"Master said that you were too stressed." He says bluntly. "Are you going to retire?" 

There's only one place where Caleb could have gotten that idea. Mace shoots a glance at his former Padawan, and she half-shrugs. 

"I'm not going to retire, Caleb." He begins, but before he can completely shut the notion down, Master Che materializes in the doorway with a sharp look in her eyes and Mace knows that he's in trouble.

"The Padawan is right." She says, and Caleb quickly moves out of her way, rounding the foot of the bed to stand next to his master. "The cardiac arrest was caused by a combination of arrhythmia and a heart attack, both of which the causes were highly attributed to stress. Even with your eventual recovery you will be much more at risk of it happening again, and starting immediately will need to change your lifestyle as a preventative measure." 

Mace feels his eyes narrow. He wants to argue, because there's plenty of things that he's still capable of but he is wise enough to pick his battles. 

"Just say it, Che." He says instead, suddenly very tired.

"You will have to retire from the council." Vokara's voice does have a small bit of sympathy in it. She, like Mace, has had to carry the burden of other people's lives for years. To suddenly drop it all will be an… adjustment. 

  
  


"Stass has decided to stay for a bit longer." Depa informs him quietly. What she means is that Stass is postponing stepping down to have only one member leave at a time. Master Aayla Secura has already lined up to eventually replace Master Allie very soon. Now, she will be joining the council in Mace's stead instead. 

Mace does not like the idea that he is taking over Stass's plans, no matter how unintentionally. But… it can't be helped. He will owe her one, no matter how much she will surely insist otherwise.

He breathes in slowly, and his chest is wonderfully clear compared to how tight it had been for months. "But I will not be retiring from duty." He states, half-daring Vokara to contradict him.

Che does, of course. "Not permanently." She inserts. "But until further notice you are off the mission roster."

Mace internally groans. He's going to need to have something to do for the good of everybody around him as much as himself. Depa knows that too, because she places a placating hand on the mattress. 

"I hear they're rejuvenating and repopulating the Gardens with more force sensitive plants." She says. "They're going to need volunteers to help the plants settle."

Che nods approvingly. "You won't be devoid of work, Master Windu. Your Padawan will make sure of that."

Now Depa narrows her eyes at the healer, unaware that she would be assigned a task. Caleb watches the exchange with fascination, and Mace makes sure that his grandpadawan is watching when he rolls his eyes. It has the desired effect. Depa and Che both stifle their sighs and Caleb his giggle. 

"I'll find something." He says, making it sound like a veiled threat just to let Che know that if she keeps him here for too long he can and will wreak havoc until she lets him go. The healer just nods primly. 

"I'm sure you will, Master Windu. I'm sure you will." 

  
  



	6. Chapter 6

In the end, Mace does take up the job in the gardens. Master Secura accepts a seat on the council and performs phenomenally on what the council had labeled the "Free the Men" Project. In a few weeks, the legislation Mace and Shaak had started and pushed for months passes. The clones are free at last. Not legally manufactured soldiers anymore but people,  _ citizens _ . 

But with this joy comes a faint sorrow because many of the Jedi's men, with whom they have spent almost every moment for the past four years are leaving Corescaunt. About two hundred stay, taking up permanent positions as temple employees. But the majority say their goodbyes and head out to explore the galaxy as free men. It's good, everyone agrees, and they're all happy to assist them in this whenever possible but the partings are bittersweet. 

Most of Depa's own men are part of the first group that leaves. They're all young by clone standards and don't have as much connection to the Jedi as their older brothers. Soot and Styles go with them, but not after saluting her and hugging Caleb goodbye. Big Mouth wanders Corescaunt for a while longer before leaving as well. 

Grey stays the longest, which she is thankful for. But eventually he comms her one night to tell her that he's leaving the planet and he wants to meet with her before he does. She agrees, of course, because even though she's seen him less and less as the months progress they're still close. They still see each other every week or so, and it's going to be... different without him near. 

She meets him the next morning at a park between the temple and the barracks. They talk about everything but how he's leaving, but eventually he looks at his comm, stands and says that he needs to be going.

She rises too, not knowing whether she intends to kiss him or hug him or just walk him out. Grey seems to be having the same problem, and they stare at each other in sudden silence.

Because one of her gifts is empathy, and because they're so close physically and emotionally, Depa can feel his internal battle without even consciously reaching for the force. And in her mind she hears the tumble of his thoughts.

_ She's a Jedi. She has a commitment to the order. It is selfish of me to even think of staying because she's so kind she would let me, and I would end up getting in her way. You can't have her, Grey, and she can't have you. Things will be easier once you get some distance. Just say goodbye. _

Grey clears his throat, his left shoulder twitching in that was it did when he was unsure. "I'm going to Ryloth." He says finally. "A couple of brothers started a relief program there to help rebuild the villages, so I thought I would join them."

Depa smiles at the thought, because it's so kind and just the sort of thing Grey has always wanted to do. She's happy for him, but-

But.

She'll miss him. She'll miss him terribly. 

"Safe travels." She replies, because even though she could tell him that she wants him to stay, that they can still be together even as she trains Caleb, he's right in thinking to be separate for a while would be good. They both need to take time to adjust individually into a life without the war. For him, it's the first time in his life he's been without it. Strangely symbolic, in a way, that he finally has the freedom of choice and he chooses to help and rebuild- a direct contrast to the reason he and his brothers are alive, to fight and destroy.

Grey is a very good warrior, but he is so much more. He is steady and kind and mellow, and at the same time so strong, decisive, and strong willed. These are the attributes Depa loves him for, and she knows that this time apart will help him see that too. 

So she pulls her hands from her sleeves and offers them to him, palms up and stinging in the cool air before he hesitantly covers them with his own. The warmth of his grasp travels up her arms and seeps throughout her whole body so she leans closer, quickly presses her lips against his cheek. 

"Grey." She says softly and looks at his face, the scruff on his jaw and the warm brown of his eyes. "Grey. I'll see you later."

His eyes burn into hers, joy and relief and sadness swirling around him all at once. "I'm looking forward to it." He answers, voice the slightest bit rough with emotion. 

_ So am I. _ Depa thinks, and lets go of his hands. Grey tries to hide the way that he glances at her from her head to her feet and back again, as if taking her in once more. She doesn't let herself do the same, although she watches as he walks away until he's out of sight. 

They'll meet again, she's sure of it. 

  
  



	7. Chapter 7

It's been months since Grey left. Five, to be exact. For Depa, they've been filled with training Caleb, getting to truly know him as her Padawan. Every day brings more of his smiles, his light, and his questions. Force, so many questions. And she would be lying if she didn't say that she loved every minute of it. 

This particular morning he had asked one that neither of them had known the answer to, so they had spent a few hours in the archives searching for the answer. They returned with several datachips and a documentary to watch. Caleb is thrilled, and insists on making a "special drink" for the occasion. He hums to himself as he makes it, taking great care to not let her see the ingredients although she knows it's just water with a few citrus flavors and sugar. He and a few of the men had invented it during the war, when the men were passing around a bottle of whiskey and Caleb wanted to be included. The memory makes her feel nostalgic, and by the look on her padawan's face she can tell that he's remembering as well. 

"Master?" He asks quietly, voice cracking as it has been for the past few months. "How much is too much to miss someone?"

"There is no limit." She responds, "What are you really asking?"

He frowns, focusing on stirring his drink. "Is it wrong how much I miss the men? I'm glad to be back at the temple with my friends but it's not the same."

She knows what he means. She has spoken with a few other masters of younger padawans, and they have all reported their students of having difficulty with the transition from the family, clan-like environment of being with the clones to the smaller lineage dynamics of the Jedi. The Order is a community in its own right, but they do not have the casual ease with all of their siblings in the force as the clones do.

"It's natural to miss someone, padawan, you know that."

He's quiet for a moment, mulling something over, before he speaks again. "Do you miss Grey?"

The question makes her stop in when tracks, mind and heart frozen, but a lifetime of training keeps it from showing. "I miss all of the men." She responds carefully. 

Her Padawan seems to take her measured response for disapproval because he flushes and nervously tries to justify his inquiry. "I just thought that since you and Grey- and he- never mind. I'm sorry."

"You did nothing wrong." Depa placates him immediately, half caught in her own thoughts. The fact of the matter is that she does miss Grey. There are times when she has trouble finding sleep due to the hollow feeling in her chest that had been filled when they were together. Other moments she automatically reaches for his presence or is suddenly starkly aware of the emptiness in the corner of her vision that he used to fill. 

It makes her feel vulnerable, in a way, that she had relied on him so much. Even though she's fully capable of doing the work she has now on her own, she still wants to have him there. It seems like weakness, almost. 

In that way she can understand exactly why Caleb is worried about in how much he misses the men. 

"It does not matter how much you miss them, but rather what you miss about them." She says slowly, unraveling the thought as she speaks. "It is natural and healthy to miss their friendship. It is unhealthy or "too much" if you want to drag them back for your own sake, because you have ingrained your own sense of self with their companionship. Does that answer your question?"

Caleb nods slowly, processing her words. She stays quiet and waits until he's settled in the force, having applied the knowledge and released his feelings of worry. 

"Now," She says briskly, flicking a finger at the lights to turn them off. "Let us further expand our minds by watching that documentary."

Caleb smiles at her and leaps for the couch, by a miracle of the force not spilling his drink. She smiles back. One day he will be the one missing from her side, off to explore the galaxy on his own and finding his identity apart from her But no matter how far he travels, he'll come back. 

He'll come back. 

  
  
  


\--------

  
  
  


Halfway through the documentary her comm screams with an urgent message, shocking both her and her Padawan. Caleb pauses the holo immediately and watches her anxiously as she answers. 

"This is Billaba."

"Master Billaba," It is Master Plo, the new Master of the order. He sounds sorrowfully solemn and it sets off alarm bells in Depa's mind. "Your presence is required in the Council room immediately."

" I can be there in ten minutes." She responds, feeling something cold settle into the pit of her stomach. "What is the reason for such urgency?"

"We've received a transmission. You have been called before the Supreme Court of the Republic."


End file.
